Movie Review: Zombie Strippers!

Yes, you read that right. Once more it's that time of year where you KNOW you have to get your quota of bad 'horror' movies in. And I think this one nearly filled it!!

I happened to catch this drek on my cable's Free Movies section. I often like to check out movies that I might have missed, or investigate ones I've never heard of, or just get nostalgic and catch the ones I might have seen ages ago. Once seeing that title, I knew I had to check it out, despite KNOWING it would be bad. It was an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.

Zombie Strippers! stars porn whore Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund. Why in HELL one of my fave actors of Freddy Kreuger fame would WANT to be in something like this boggles my mind. Maybe he did it just for fun. The only reason i checked out the movie was because he was in it, and naturally, he was the only likable character.

Well, for one, this movie came out back in '08. I never heard of it--I guess it was one of those flicks that got swept under the rug like a lot of bad B-movies?? The plot is pretty goofy--some Marines are sent out to eradicate a zombie outbreak in a lab, (some sort of government virus was created to reanimate soldiers after they died, you know, that whole 'Super Soldier' idea) then one of them gets bitten by a zombie, and escapes from his comrades, winding up in a strip joint. He attacks bitchy stripper Jenna Jameson, and then it's all downhill from there. Englund plays the owner of the club, who is terrified of his girls touching him and getting diseases from them, often spraying the air around him (or them) with what I liked to believe was Lysol. His character alone was pretty funny. Other than that, you might be tempted to see something else...quick.

Once Jenna is infected, and the guys actually happen to LIKE seeing the grotesqueness/hotness of a 'zombie stripper', then the other girls start to follow suit!!!! Geez-louise..... if you saw a friend of yours jump off a bridge for the hell of it, would you do the same?!?! Unfortunately, Englund does not come out of this situation, as he winds up getting a lot of 'face' from one of his nasty strippers, sounds effects good-n' plenty. *Vomit bag, please...*

It's got a lot of gross special effects and all that, but still, if your an average guy who likes zombies and going to titty bars, you'd like something like this, especially if you have some sick fantasy of making out with a actual dead woman. Nothing says 'gross' like seeing disgusting-faced, bloody, half-naked zombie women doing strip teases, right? I'll give it a 2 1/2 for grossness, but this kind of movie is just plain silly, as we knew it would be.

Movie Review: Daybreakers

For some reason, I waited a loooong time to check this out. One, I really despise movie theaters and the annoyances of people that don't know how to shut the hell up. Two, I'm really not a big fan of Ethan Hawke. But I'm sorry I waited as long as I did to check this out. I LOVED this flick! Imagine a world where everyone is a vampire, and the blood supply is dangerously low, and to top it off, the longer you go without blood the more you'll devolve into a feral, uncivilized vampire creature?!? wow. Ethan plays the role of a hematologist trying to create a synthetic blood supply before the real deal (human blood) becomes non existent. But in the meantime, humans are being hunted down like animals! I liked the futuristic overtone with the 40's style of wardrobe. For some reason, it really worked! A quite intelligent piece, and very well done! Ethan plays his role to the hilt, as does William Dafoe and Sam Neil (and whodathunk you'd see HIM in a vampire role??) With a very intriguing, unique plot and lots of bloody gore, Daybreakers is definitely worth checking out, and gets 5 stars from me!

BOOK REVIEW--BOLEYN-TUDOR VAMPIRE

I read the preview of this book, very eager to read more, and the the rest of it did NOT disappoint!! I was given the opportunity to read it before it was officially available and I was sooo happy! Being told in Anne's POV, we get to see many sides to her--her logical side, her religious side, and her devilish side, all executed in a fashion only Anne could have done if the horrors of a vampire really did happen to her in real life! I was so drawn in to this story, I couldn't put it down. And the things she did to Charles Brandon and Cromwell were just "YUCK"! lol! There's even a bit of a twisted, sick romance between her and Thomas Wyatt, but their adventures and the horrors that follow are dominant in this novel. Tudor history has been turned on its head and then some! Now THIS is an Anne for the ages, an Anne you've never seen before, and if you're a horror fan, you'll be happy she got her revenge the way she did! Vamps, zombies, ghosts--this book has it all, with Tudor flair! Available now at https://www.createspace.com/3441214 Or you can visit the author's webpage for the free 2 chapter download plus check out the trailer for it: http://bloodtouch.webs.com/BOLEYN.htm Absolutely 5 stars!

BOOK REVIEW--Play Dead by Kody Boye

PLAY DEAD is a awesome collection of creepy short stories that will definitely hold your interest! This was also a free book provided by the author a while back, but in my opinion, he should officially have his work published with a publishing house! I love this guy--he's so straightforward and blunt and to-the-point with everything, including his life---which makes him so REAL in a world full of cookie cutter jerkoffs.

Now onto his book.

Lamia was eerie. very eerie. A guy who lost his wife meets a 'monster' on the beach one night, the lamia, and this man comes close to losing his life if not for the ghost of his dead wife!

Rage felt like a losing-all-hope-for-humanity type of situation when animals become infected with a plague that causes them to go fucking bonkers. A man and his son and a woman try to flee for their lives, and you REALLY feel for these folks and what they go through to survive.

Pig was a story that seems like it could have been a spin-off of Rage, but as a more isolated situation. A huge-ass pig in the Florida Everglades gets a taste of human flesh and becomes a man-eater, literally. For the people of the area, it becomes a case of "kill this sucker or be killed" and the pig won't give up without a fight!

Lastly we have a story of the same books title, Play Dead. A group of kids have developed some sort of sick twisted game in which they have to go out in the middle of the woods, and perform certain little 'ritualistic' acts in order to keep up their reputation of being cool, in a way, and some of the characters in this story made me want to slap the crap out of them for their typical highschoolish b.s.-- but hey, they're teens, and most teens do the typical stupid stuff. But the game starts to go pretty wrong when a demonic creature of sorts get involved and people start to die for their foolish acts.

Boye can weave tales that will pull you in and writes characters that are very believable, characters you can feel sympathy for, while wanting to absolutely kill the bad guys in the stories. I'll be looking forward to checking out more of his work. Absolutely 5 stars!

Find him at http://kodyboye.com/ or http://kody-boye.livejournal.com/ . Actually, he's scattered all over the net, facebook, twitter, myspace and youtube, so go check him out asap!

SNEAK PEEK OF NEW NOVEL BY CINSEARAE S.

Okay, go and run over to Ms. Cinsearae's website here and grab a free sneak peek of her upcoming novel, Boleyn--Tudor Vampire. I read the first 2 chapters and I'm totally hooked and cant WAIT to get this book when it comes out. Seeing Anne Boleyn as a vampire, I'd love to know what she does to everyone who betrayed her. And I liked the trailer she made for it as well, it fits the mood of the story perfectly! *Grin* The sneak peek has been getting some cool comments, besides my own, lol, so go get it! :) I just hope King Henry gets what he deserves.

MOVIE REVIEW: ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Is it me, or does anyone else feel like Tim Burton was latched to Disney's ball-and-chain when he did this movie??!?! Ugh. I felt like I was trapped in a weird CGI world, unable to escape. Nothing's wrong with a little bit of eyecandy, but I felt this movie was overkill. I did like some of the characters though, like the TweedleDee and Dum, the Cheshire Cat, and the March Hare. Helena as the red queen and her big-ass head had me chuckling with her monotonous "Off with her head!" line, and Jonny Depp was just freaky as all hell. I did like his take on The Mad Hatter though, although I could hear little snips of "Willy Wonka" and "Jack Sparrow" in his voice sometimes, lol. I liked his makeup, too. But his eyes turning red whenever he got pissed? That was a bit freaky too, lol.

I SWEAR if Tim was given total creative freedom, he could have made this look was darker than it was, but I guess Disney was telling him to keep it kid-friendly. *Sigh*

Sayit with me guys...'Disney is evil'!!! lol! I'll give this a B- *grin*.

Whoo-boy.Bad, bad me....

Here I am, sitting on a small pile of reviews I've done, and haven't found the time to POST them. Hey--college kid here, so you'll have to forgive me. I DO have schoolwork. I'm really not the kind to be tethered down to 'blogging'. It's fun, and I love reading books and reviewing them---so maybe I just need to get some sort of schedule together as to when I can actually COME here and post stuff. I'll get it together guys, promise. Even if it's just once or twice a week, I'll do it.