Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Movie Review: Zombie Strippers!

Yes, you read that right. Once more it's that time of year where you KNOW you have to get your quota of bad 'horror' movies in. And I think this one nearly filled it!!

I happened to catch this drek on my cable's Free Movies section. I often like to check out movies that I might have missed, or investigate ones I've never heard of, or just get nostalgic and catch the ones I might have seen ages ago. Once seeing that title, I knew I had to check it out, despite KNOWING it would be bad. It was an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.

Zombie Strippers! stars porn whore Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund. Why in HELL one of my fave actors of Freddy Kreuger fame would WANT to be in something like this boggles my mind. Maybe he did it just for fun. The only reason i checked out the movie was because he was in it, and naturally, he was the only likable character.

Well, for one, this movie came out back in '08. I never heard of it--I guess it was one of those flicks that got swept under the rug like a lot of bad B-movies?? The plot is pretty goofy--some Marines are sent out to eradicate a zombie outbreak in a lab, (some sort of government virus was created to reanimate soldiers after they died, you know, that whole 'Super Soldier' idea) then one of them gets bitten by a zombie, and escapes from his comrades, winding up in a strip joint. He attacks bitchy stripper Jenna Jameson, and then it's all downhill from there. Englund plays the owner of the club, who is terrified of his girls touching him and getting diseases from them, often spraying the air around him (or them) with what I liked to believe was Lysol. His character alone was pretty funny. Other than that, you might be tempted to see something else...quick.

Once Jenna is infected, and the guys actually happen to LIKE seeing the grotesqueness/hotness of a 'zombie stripper', then the other girls start to follow suit!!!! Geez-louise..... if you saw a friend of yours jump off a bridge for the hell of it, would you do the same?!?! Unfortunately, Englund does not come out of this situation, as he winds up getting a lot of 'face' from one of his nasty strippers, sounds effects good-n' plenty. *Vomit bag, please...*

It's got a lot of gross special effects and all that, but still, if your an average guy who likes zombies and going to titty bars, you'd like something like this, especially if you have some sick fantasy of making out with a actual dead woman. Nothing says 'gross' like seeing disgusting-faced, bloody, half-naked zombie women doing strip teases, right? I'll give it a 2 1/2 for grossness, but this kind of movie is just plain silly, as we knew it would be.